Who Is On Your Support Team?

Wherever in the world we hail from, however far we have travelled, whichever language we speak, whatever our economic resources, we all share the same basic needs. These include a secure home, nourishing food, good health, good personal relationships, self esteem and a sense of purpose. Migrating into a different cultural environment requires us to learn new ways to satisfy these needs and using a mentor is a good way to start.

I am involved in a mentor programme which aims to support non-English speaking migrants settling around the Northern Beaches of Sydney. The role of the mentor is this programme is to encourage the newcomers to ask for help and to help build their confidence in dealing with new situations and environments. We were strongly reminded that mentors are not magicians and cannot solve all problems. Just as, many hands make light work, many pillars are required to support a building and two heads are better than one; we were advised to make use of all the resources available to us.

Often, people use a variety of mentors in their daily lives. We have partners, family, colleagues, friends and neighbours as well as our professional advisors. The best mentors are those who have been though a similar experience or have special skills. Anyone could be a potential mentor with knowledge to share or guidance to give.

So, how would you identify what help you need and where to go to find the right person. Work out what you want to achieve in different areas of your life and find an appropriate mentor for each strand. Firstly, consider each issue and consider your resources

Looking for a new home is something most people do at least once in their lives. Survey the people you work with and ask about how they decided where to live. Pick someone who has useful experience, is sympathetic or someone who has time available and ask them to help you.

Taking advantage of cultural diversity in eating, cooking and shopping can be a way to discover new ways of living. Find someone who enjoys cooking their own ethnic food and ask them to go shopping with you for special ingredients or spices. Cook a meal for them in return and ask for help with local recipes.

Ask your neighbours about the local medical services and find out what do in an emergency. By going on a parenting course or St John’s Ambulance training you are bound to meet others who willing to share their experiences for the benefit of others.

Go along to events advertised in your area and meet with like minded people. Keep in contact with those whom share your interests and values and suggest starting a support group. When you find people who have skills you want to learn, do not hesitate to ask them to help you, and offer to assist them in return.

Most people are willing to help someone in need and would welcome being acknowledged for having done something well or for having overcome challenging circumstances. If you ask someone to guide you through a difficult period of your life, the chances are they’ll be flattered and will embrace the idea.

STRESS BUSTERS FOR MOVERS

If moving house is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life, then moving countries must be a recipe for a nervous breakdown. A reasonable amount of stress is good for us, but it needs to be managed. Recognising the symptoms is the first step, and then working out some strategies to minimize the damage is the next step. Here are some everyday tips for movers and non-movers alike.

1. Organise Your Surroundings

Is everything unpacked or is your storage space inadequate? Nothing is more draining than having a home or an office that is cluttered. If things are easy to find and your place is organised, others will respect your space, your environment will be stress free and you will feel comfortable too. Develop some good habits, systems and rules to keep the place tidy, and stick to them.

2. Reframe your Perspective

Some things cannot change, but you can always change the way you look at things. You can choose to let things ruin your day or you can focus on the positives. Customs in a new country can often be strange and confusing. Instead of seeing what is wrong, focus on what is right. Rather than seeing a problem, look for an opportunity. Be your own spin doctor and tell yourself what is perfect about your new situation.

3. Ask For Help

If you to do everything yourself, you will become overwhelmed and stressed. Allow other people to become involved in your life and share the load. At work, form alliances with other businesses and develop working relationships colleagues. At home, share the responsibility for the housework or the garden with your family. You don’t have to do it alone, ask your neighbours if there is a local handyman who can help with jobs around the house.

4. Plan Your Day

Are you always dealing with emergencies and never getting around to the things you want to do? Use a scheduler to choose how to spend your time. Make sure you allow time for putting out fires if this is what you are paid to do, but plan things that use your strengths and align with your values and beliefs. If you plan in realistic blocks you won’t have to rush through the day. Prioritise and include enjoyable tasks.

5. Develop Your Own Systems

Work out a system for dealing with repeat tasks and use them as a basis for new ones. Establish processes and ways of working that can be passed on to someone else if you are busy. Don’t stress about remembering everything, record and make notes. A new home will require new routines; things will take longer until you get used to them.

6. Maintain Your Energy Levels

Start the day with a nutritious breakfast and eat regular, low GI snacks. Keep yourself hydrated and sip water throughout the day. Exercise regularly and sleep 7 or 8 hours a night. If these are the rules, you will be able to make an exception when you want to party and you won’t suffer too much the next day.

7. Me Time

Don’t work constantly. If you use a computer, take a break every 50 minutes. Look out of a window or take a walk around the office. If you do physical work, stop for a stretch and a drink regularly. If you spend all day with your children, plan some time in your day to relax together. Don’t forget to take a lunch break and allow some private time during the day to meditate.

YOUR 2008 DREAMBOARD

Making a dream board is as much a focussing exercise as it is the creation of a tool for daily affirmations and cues. You can do this over a period of time, or set aside a special afternoon. Some people may require a special space with music and aromatherapy to inspire them whilst others might do this co-operatively with other family of team members. Choose a way that suits you and reflects the purpose you want it to fulfil.

All you need is a pin board or a large sheet of card and if you have no wall space, a plain page in your diary will do. The advantage of a tiny dream board is that you can carry it around in your diary and refer to it at any time.
Either focus on a single area that you want to develop in the coming year or use the whole wheel of life defined above. (E.g. health and wellbeing, career and business, family and relationships, confidence and self esteem, peace of mind and contentment, learning and growth and financial security.) Some of my clients create a board for their business aspirations each year, other clients map out their personal ambitions and some create a picture of the new life they want to build.

When you are ready to start, place a happy picture of yourself in the middle of the board. If you cannot find a photo then draw a cartoon of you looking your best. Then surround yourself with images that represent your dreams and aspirations. You can make this as plain or as embellished as you wish, finding pictures in magazines, on the internet or drawing them by hand. Place them strategically on the board and try to symbolise the sensations of the experiences you want to gain. If you want an improved relationship, a picture of a warm fireplace might more powerful than one of an unknown happy couple. One client used a picture of a speedboat on his 2007 dream board merely as representation of being able to enjoy his leisure time. In October, a chance conversation lead him to someone who had a boat to sell. This year, that client will be spending his holiday on the water in his very own boat.

The most important aspect of this exercise is that you create a visual panorama that inspires and gratifies your soul. This is your life, and you should be comfortable with your choices and experiences. This should align with your values, be realistic and achievable whilst still stretching and exciting you.

Finally, you may put the dream board away somewhere and bring it out again in 12 months time, but to make it really work for you, place it where it is the the last thing you look at before you go to sleep and the first thing you see when you wake up and enjoy achieving your dreams in 2008 .

CREATING RITUALS

Do you enjoy the traditions of the holiday seasons? It is the ritual content of traditional holidays that provide identity and stability for many people around the world and love or hate it, we all buy into it to some extent. Invoking traditions promotes continuity of spiritual and geographic connection. Creating your own rituals is away of expressing your own personal culture and it demonstrates gratitude for the things and people you value.

Rituals are actions that are repeated regularly and create a bond for those who participate. They could be communal or personal, they could occur daily, weekly or annually, but the important thing is that they are synchronised and premeditated. We can use ritual to create connection with people and environments, to celebrate events and achievements. They satisfy our emotions and nurture the soul unlike any random or routine activity.

Is there something or someone in your life that could benefit from a celebration? Is there something that was once special and now suffering from neglect? Is there a relationship that needs strengthening either now, or for the future?
Greeting rituals: Think of the way a family dog is always there to greet you when you walk through the door. He is letting you know that you have been missed and he is finding out where you have been and what you have been doing. Think about how much connection you will gain by personally greeting each member of your family when they walk in the door. You will find out more about their day and what is on their minds.

Location rituals: When I worked in Sydney I always travelled on the top deck of the train and when I crossed the harbour bridge I made a point of looking a the Opera House, then turning to look down the river; celebrating my good fortune to be traversing this magnificent harbour every day.

Eating rituals: Once a week, having a candle light dinner honours not only the food that has been cooked with care, but also the people around the table and marks the passage of time for all involved. Even if you dine unaccompanied, candlelight can create a spiritual space to make you feel less alone.

Relaxation rituals: Creating a sacred space in your home where you can burn some incense, read a book in private, sip a cup of tea or just put your feet up for five minutes and escape the madness of the day.

Friendship rituals: Many of us had weekly rituals when were younger. Friday night drinks, a weekly curry or a monthly card night. If you have lost touch with these activities, recreate them with your family or with new friends. How about take away on Sunday nights followed by a game of Scrabble?

Unconscious rituals: Is there something you do with regularity that serves a spiritual purpose or that maintains valued personal connections? It could be simply kissing your children when you drop them at school, or reading the paper with a cup of tea when you come in from work.

Creating specific rituals may feel strange at first, however, it is a powerful way to create a personal culture and reinforce your personal values. If you would like to explore the use of rituals in your life, using a coach can help you identify your patterns and unique needs.

CAN'T FIND WORK?

Just last week the Sydney Chamber of Commerce reported that the shortage of white collar workers has resulted in 53 per cent of companies looking overseas to fill vacancies. The media is currently full of ‘skills shortages’ and ‘increases in visa applications’. So, why are some of my relocated clients struggling to find rewarding employment in Australia?

Marianne, a travel agent from Sweden applied for more than 30 jobs in three months and was invited to only four interviews. Elsa, who gained solid experience in office administration in South Africa was offered a work after 25 applications and then dismissed after only one week in the job. Robyn, a solicitor with valid qualifications is finding that she is applying for positions that are far below the one she left in the UK. These difficulties and disappointments are contributing to low self confidence, poor health, lack of motivation and general unhappiness amongst some members of the ExPat community.

I asked Carron, a recruitment consultant in Sydney if these were typical roadblocks for overseas applicants. She assured me that Australian employers value experience from different cultures and she attributed the difficulties my client’s describe to a lack of clarity over what they want and what they have to offer employers. She reported that competition for vacancies is strong and stressed that there is no shortage of candidates; it is specific skills that are in demand. The Department of Immigration’s required skills list includes IT managers, child care workers, HR managers, accountants, architects, medical specialists, interpreters and engineers to name but a few.

What are employers looking for when they screen applications? Melanie, an HR consultant working with recruitment managers explained that employers are looking for a continuous time-line with no unexplained gaps. They want to grasp the extent of the applicant’s experience and achievements. She advises applicants to research the local market to use local terminology and check that corporate structures are comparable so that reporting lines and responsibilities are clear. For each role, she recommends listing three achievements and an explanation of how they contributed to the success of the organisation.

Jodi Arthur, of JobWise in Sydney, knows about the difficulties people experience when they move locations or take a break from paid employment. Jodi helps job applicants with resume preparation, teaches interview skills and guides them in their job search. She told me that applicants really need to sell themselves and work on their confidence to compete in the current market. Employers need reassurance that the applicant is a good fit in terms of professional skills and personality. Thus it is crucial to tell your story confidently, focus on your strengths and make a good impression. If you do not feel confident, get help from people you know or hire professional support. Jodi added that sometimes people go in via the back door, make lateral moves and place themselves where they can learn the market. She recommends that you start talking to people in your industry, be patient and maneuver yourself into position.

Finally, looking on the bright side, not everyone has difficulty finding employment. Some people find it relatively easy to get jobs in new locations. One client told me how he found his ideal job after only seven days in Australia. He started with a list of industry contacts, used them as consultants to narrow down his prospective employer. He prepared a resume which boldly listed his achievements and outlined the skills he could offer. He found a perfect match and even got sponsorship. Remember, it is possible, and if you need help, you only have to ask.

WHO ARE YOU?

One of my oldest friends runs a successful business, has an organised home and a busy social diary. She is a mine of information and if she doesn’t know something, she has an efficient referral system. But, it is not her knowledge of facts that really impresses me; it is her knowledge of herself. She knows exactly what she is capable of, when she is at her best and when at her worst and she uses this information wisely. She is clear on her likes and dislikes and has definite boundaries that support her.

My point is that you do not need to be superhuman to be happy and successful in life, but the more you know about yourself, the easier it is to navigate your way through life, relationships and work.

Here are some questions to help you find out more about yourself. Consider the suggested answers and if they do not apply, come up with your own and use them to draw a portrait of yourself that you and others could recognise.

1. What do you most struggle with? Is life too busy, scattered and chaotic? Do you get trapped in strong emotions? Are you are easily bored and feel like you are stuck in the mundane, or is that you feel that your life lacks meaning?

2. How does emotional pain show up in your life? Do you suffer from negativity, insecurity, sadness or do you simply feel unfulfilled?

3. What do you want to achieve most? Self acceptance, self expression, self improvement or is it the service of others that drives you?

4. How do you naturally tackle problems and life? Do you use your intuition, or do you forge ahead by taking bold action? Do you thrive on engaging your intellect or do you rely on your feelings?

5. What do you value most? Purpose and contribution, peace of mind and order, or understanding, love and connection.

6. When are you at your strongest? Is it when acting alone, being part of a team, when others are relying on you, or is it when the outcome is uncertain?

7. What would be a main feature of your ideal world? Would you choose a world with no fear or conflict? Would you eliminate negativity, limitation and anxiety?

8. What do you want more of in your life? Would you like more order, focus, discipline or results? Or is it creativity, understanding and wisdom that you crave?

9. What would you most like to achieve? Open heartedness, professional success, spiritually enlightenment or intellectual or artistic expression.

10. Who or what inspires you? Are you moved by music or by nature? Do you follow the traditions of others or are you cutting a new path for others to follow? Do you have a hero or a role model?

How well do you know yourself? If you struggle with these questions, team up with a friend or workmate who knows you well and have a brainstorming session. You might find out a lot about each other. Keep a record of your findings and refer to them when making decisions about your life.

“Know thyself and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe" Ancient Greek Saying

AUTHENTIC LIFE

When we are constantly being told that “Life is not a game” and that “You only get one chance”, is it any wonder that “Second Life” is the biggest thing to hit the internet since, well . . . the internet itself? If life was a game and you had a second chance where anything was possible, what would you create?

Before you follow the millions of people who have joined SL, here is a way to consider adjustments you can make to your own, real-time life that will make you feel more like the whole person you would like to become and less like an avatar in someone else’s game.

Start by thinking about what you love to do. When you were a child what did you spend your time creating. It may have been mud pies or cacophonic symphonies, but the roots of what you wanted to become are in how you spent your time before life got in the way. If you did not create concrete or artistic things, you may have been an explorer, climbing trees or delving into imaginary universes. Make a list of the things that you remember and draw out of those pursuits the aspects that reflect the real you. There may be features that you have returned to over the years to make you happy that you have not recognised as your inner child sending you a message. Even if it is drawing doodles whilst you talk on the telephone, or dancing when no one is watching you, there will be underlying themes that will point to your natural talents and abilities.

How are you expressing these things in your life now? Do you take time out to make sand castles; do you even visit the beach? Have your musical pursuits gone silent or do you turn up the car stereo and sing at the top of your voice as you drive through the Harbour Tunnel? If you wanted to be an explorer when you grew up, how often to do you visit unfamiliar territory?

If you feel that there is something missing in your life, you will need to identify gaps and opportunities that you can begin to fill with things that could touch your true spirit and make you whole? You may need to move some commitments around to make space. Apart from taking a holiday and getting some totally new experiences, there may be a short course available at local colleges that could re-connect you with your creative talents. For weekend inspiration, just take a look at the community ads in your local paper and find a group that needs your core abilities. My local paper advertises: Meditation and yoga, history walks, choir rehearsals, Latin dance, story telling, arts and crafts, sailing, various team and individual sports, environmental projects, bush regeneration, and amateur dramatics. If you cannot find one that suits, use your imagination and create a group of your own. The most important thing is that you begin to recognise things that make your heart sing and your spirit soar and ensure they are present in your life by creating space and time for them.

Finally, don’t forget to acknowledge the things in your life that do inspire you. Honour and celebrate the people, things and pastimes that support you make your life whole. Sometimes we just need to stop for a while to notice that we don’t actually need a new start, what we want might be right under our noses, just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.

WHERE ARE YOU?

Not everyone has problems adapting to new environments, for some it is a breeze. However, if you are struggling, this could describe your path towards finding a sense of belonging in a new place.

Let me introduce you to Prochaska & DiClemente’s 1983 Transtheorical Model of Change. Originally formulated to illustrate the sequence of behaviour change from addiction to recovery, TTM can also be used to describe how we cope with cultural changes, acclimatise to new customs and take on different ways of living; to a greater or lesser extent depending on a variety of factors.

Stage One is called Pre-contemplation. As the name suggest, you haven’t even thought about it yet. Things are happening to you and you have not really noticed the effect on you, your family or your work. You may be confused, on edge or stressed, but you haven’t quite taken in the causes. Although you may be aware that something is not quite right, you have not got to the place where you can identify what it is.

Stage Two is Contemplation. You are beginning to think about what is happening and asking yourself questions about causes. Is it your environment, is it your behaviour, is it your relationship or is it a language problem? You are also thinking about what it would be like if this were not happening and how things would be if you were feeling settled in your new home. Procrastination could be a feature of this stage.

Stage Three offers hope as you move into Preparation. This is when you start looking for resources and weighing up alternative solutions. It is now that you begin to embrace the idea that your life can be improved by making changes to your own behaviour. You begin to recognise the benefits of solving these problems and you have a desire to make something different happen and get yourself to a better place.

Stage Four is the Action Stage. It is here that my job as a coach is most rewarding. Creating a new life takes time and the process is similar to the Deming Cycle of Plan, Do, Check, Act. Having someone to support you, help with goal setting, acknowledge your efforts and keep you on track can make all the difference. This stage cannot be completed in the armchair or between the pages of a book. You will need to get out there, try new things, find new ways of looking at life and begin to really enjoy yourself.

Stage Five, Maintenance, involves patience, practice and perseverance. Anything worth achieving usual involves effort and investment. This phase continues until habits are formed and isolation is no longer an issue. As with addiction, a crisis could trigger a relapse into homesickness. By implementing supportive structures and rituals you can keep focus on the road ahead, strengthen your sense of belonging and purpose.

I would add a sixth stage to this model, Celebration. I will be celebrating my 15th anniversary in Australia next month, and will be sharing the day with a client who arrived on the same date two years ago. At this point we can put the past behind us, celebrate our achievements and look forward to the future.

A significant feature of this model is that it takes time to work through the stages. If you feel that settling down to your new life is taking longer than you anticipated, or you would like to have some support during the difficult stages, contact a coach. A free 60 minute coaching session may be only a phone call away.

Where are you now?

WHAT ASSUMPTIONS ARE YOU MAKING?

Last week I was sitting alone in a café when a friend spotted me and came over for a chat. I told her that I had arranged to meet an overseas student at 2.00 but it was now 2.15 and I was about to give up waiting for him. She responded that people from other cultures have a different sense of time and suggested that I continue waiting. After 30 minutes, I phoned him to find out why he had not met me as arranged. He explained that his teacher had told him that I had wanted to meet on a different day and that our appointment would be rescheduled.

What I have described is the meeting of three different cultures. I am from Europe, my friend is from Africa, the student and his teacher are both from Asia. In multi-cultural environments such as Australia this is not an unusual situation and the potential for misunderstanding and cultural incidents is virtually unlimited.

In this scenario there are issues of time, relationships, rules and status with each party having a different cultural perspective. When we say 3 o’clock, it could be interpreted as a precise time or somewhere between lunch and dinner, perhaps tea time. This can be explained either as either synchronic time or sequential time. The relationships between the people in this example also vary depending on whose perspective you choose. I was discussing my schedule with the teacher as we have a specific relationship in a specific context whereas he believed that the student was included in a diffused relationship and shared our conversation with him. I felt universally bound by our appointment and would not change it without bilateral agreement; however, the student was happy to accept a unilateral change as he felt that the rules were particular and had since varied.

And, if the forgoing is not confusing enough, different cultures assign and honour status in different forms. Here we have the possible conflict of status ascribed by age, gender, social standing, education or professional standing, by a subjective measure of achievement or simply by having no regard for status at all. Thus there are many opportunities for the people to become upset, disappointed, critical or angry. When you come to a new country, these sorts of misunderstandings happen all the time and leave you feeling quite lost. It may be hard to work out the truth, as truth so often has a cultural reference.

Those who settle quickest in new social environments are able to see the world through many perspectives. The first step towards gaining this insight is to understand your own cultural programming. Then, by eliminating the assumption that all other people are like us, we can accept the validity of a range of responses and begin to understand them. In your conversations with people from different origins, what assumptions do you make?

If you would like some help understanding your own cultural issues and exploring those of the people around you, send an email to beverly@lifeis4living.com.au with “Assumptions” in the title.
Beverly Nerden works with relocated people who are struggling to build new lives in new environments and publishes a free online newsletter; you may sign up at her website www.lifeis4living.com.au As the life coach behind Life is 4 Living, Beverly facilitates workshops, supports private clients and contributes to various publications. Beverly can be contacted on 02 9880 8373, 0403 028 373, or by email beverly@lifeis4living.com.au

MEDITATION - RELAXATION OR WORKOUT

One method I use to help my clients deal with fears, reduce stress and eliminate negative thoughts is, guided visualisation, a technique traditionally employed to induce meditative states. In an effort to learn more about the benefits and effects of this practice for myself and my clients, I have been delving into the world of meditation and have made some interesting discoveries.

My search led me to Sue Beecher, an experienced teacher of meditation in Sydney, who outlined a variety of meditation techniques such as: deep concentration, the use of symbols, sounds, colours, breath control, visualisation and chanting. Sue emphasised that the most important element to a successful practice is a quiet calm room with no distractions, irrespective of the technique employed.

Practitioners claim that, meditation can restore health, relieve pain, cleanse emotions, manifest change, develop intuition, connect with the spirit, unlock creativity, explore higher realities and reduce stress. Whatever the motivation or the method, it is commonly agreed that this phenomenon is an effective and rewarding way to relax the mind and body.

The New Scientist Magazine in November 2005 published the results of several empirical studies on meditation. Researchers at the University of Kentucky conducted a visual response trial on a group of 10 inexperienced meditators prior to, and after 40 minute sessions of sleep, meditation, reading and conversation. Each of the 10 subjects demonstrated an improved response after the meditation but not after the other activities. It was found that meditating does more than calm you down and make you feel good, it makes you perform better.

A study at Mass Gen Hospital in Boston discovered that experienced meditators have thicker cortices in the area of the brain used for attention and sensory processing. This fits with findings that accomplished musicians, athletes and linguists are more robust in areas of brain relevant to their skills, backing up a theory that meditation is brain exercise. In common with other forms of exercise, meditation has been found to improve blood flow, strengthens structure and enhances neural connectivity.

Traditional Indian, Buddhist, Kabalistic, Christian, Dynamic and Secular forms of mediation are all widely practiced in western countries. Google will provide you with numerous links. Sue Beecher teaches a blend of styles that fit individual needs and preferences and can be contacted on 0405 241 710.

My study of this subject continues and I am looking forward to developing my coaching toolbox further. Please let me know if you have any resources or experiences to share.

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

Question: How am I happy living in Sydney when my family and heritage are in London?

Answer: From time to time I need to remind myself who I am and why I am here.

Here are some guidelines if you are having similar difficulties.

1. Know yourself and your needs.

Where are you in your life right now? Where are you able to do your best work and where are your career opportunities? Where are your personal and professional relationships? Where you are financially better off and able to invest for the future? Where are your emotional and spiritual needs best served? Remember the reasons why you moved to a different city and write down what you want to achieve during your stay.

2. Connect with your passions

What makes you fell really alive and what excites you? Real happiness comes from being absorbed in what you are doing. There are many things that you can do equally well in any geographical location. The important thing is that you make sure that you do them and don’t make any excuses for being lazy. Make a list of things that make you feel alive and plan to do them daily. Build good experiences where you are and share them with the people around you.

3. Create your own tribe

If you want a friend, be a friend. Recognise and acknowledge the abilities and talents of the people you meet and share your skills with them. Treat the people around you as you would your life long friends and they will be there to support you when times are tough. Consider who you need in your tribe and seek them out.

4. Keep in touch

People do not know if you are thinking about them unless you make contact. Keep a diary and remember birthdays and anniversaries. Make sure you engage with other people regularly and celebrate your own life events with friends in places that inspire you.

5. Be positive

Look for the good around you. The ‘Law of Attraction’ tells us that we get what we focus on. There will always be more good things in your day if you make a point of noting them and remarking upon them. If someone asks you how you are feeling, the word ‘excellent’ will make you feel far better than the word ‘fine’. Creating a gratitude diary and recording ten good things that happened to you each day will remind you that you are in the right place, wherever you are.

I am pleased to have two homes because each one compliments the other. And, if home is where the heart is, my heart is wherever I am.

RE-IGNITE YOUR DREAMS AND ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

How many ambitions have you put on the back-burner? Which of your talents have been hiding under cobwebs since you were at school? What are those burning issues that you wanted to solve but life got in the way?
Why wait any longer?

If you can imagine it, you can do it. Here are some helpful hints.

1) Make a list of ALL the things you would love do in the next phase of your life. Change your career, learn to play an instrument, foster a child, accumulate wealth, write a book, travel or join a campaign group. Albert Einstein said "Imagination is everything". Use your imagination and pick the three ideas on your list that would make the biggest impact to your life. Dreams that stir passion within you and make you feel alive.

2) Next, give these three ideas form. Write down or draw a picture of what achieving each of these objectives means to you. Visualise yourself with that qualification, skill or new role. If that is hard, think of a celebrity or role model and imagine how they would behave; then put yourself in their shoes. Define a time scale for the project and assign a ?best by date" to reach success. Imagine celebrating on that date and embrace the sensations of accomplishment.

3) Now, divide up each goal into small reachable chunks. Any 7 year old can tell you how to eat an elephant, "One bite at a time!" Identify all the bites you need to take to reach your goal. Research any courses you may need to take, consider which people you need to contact or how many hours of experience you will need. Make a time line and map out significant dates for mini goals and targets.

4) Finally, share your dreams with someone else and cultivate commitment. Choose someone who is going to encourage and support you; steer clear of any negative thinkers and allow yourself to feel joy and confidence.

Now is the best time to make your dreams come alive. You can create a future that inspires you and gives you purpose, after all, life is for living and this is your greatest opportunity. Thomas Edison said "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves". He was right, so prepare to be astounded.

IF THIS IS PARADISE, WHY AREN'T YOU CELEBRATING?

You’ve survived the 26 hour flight, been to six different surf beaches, found a fantastic house with a pool, your furniture has arrived with no breakages, the kids are loving their new schools and you’ve received your first pay cheque in your new currency. So . . . why are you missing your mother’s cooking, in a cold sweat about a Power Point presentation you’ve given a hundred times before and feeling a sense of gloom and doom every time you get in the car?

Once the holiday period is over and it is time to settle down, newcomers can experience emotional and physical symptoms that hold back progress in making of friends and getting on with the jobs they came to do.

Understanding and responding to the stages of “culture shock” can counter the symptoms and avoid negative experiences. Migration is a great opportunity to improve your life and learn new perspectives. Embracing a new culture leads to a better understanding of your own way of life and stimulates personal creativity.

Adapting to a new culture occurs in stages:

1 Honeymoon - Initial feelings of excitement and adventure.
2 Isolation – Lack of local experience and information may make common challenges more difficult to solve. Transition from old to new processes takes time and can elicit feelings of dissatisfaction and loss.
3 Recognition – Identifying the cause of emotional and physical symptoms, seeking support and challenging emotional responses is the first step to turning negative experiences into positive ones.
4 Discovery - Happiness and humour return along with a sense of balance and direction. The environment becomes more familiar and there is a greater will to belong. It is easy to make reasoned evaluations of the old ways versus those of the new.
5 Integration – A solid feeling of belonging develops and the newcomer can now define him/herself in local terms and establish goals for living.
6 Independence – Complete integration into the new society and able to experience social and professional alignment in the new location.

Here are some useful tips for both avoiding and dealing with culture shock

1 Get to know your new home and identify locations that inspire and relax you.
2 Learn the language, join a course and study the place’s history and culture.
3 Start a hobby, learn to do something new or rediscover a past talent.
4 Remember why you migrated and keep in mind all the benefits of being here. Be patient with yourself. Recognise that building a new life takes time and requires resilience and acceptance. Develop confidence in what you are doing and maintain your original goals and plans.
5 Develop regular physical activity and choose a team pursuit over solitary exercise.
6 Make regular contact with your own ethnic group, join a club and go to community events.
7 Maintain good relations with your family and friends at home and around the world.
8 Ask for help, find and use available resources to help you integrate and understand your new location.
9 Find a buddy in a similar situation and work together.
10 And last but not least, find any excuse you can to CELEBRATE and have fun with your family and some new friends.